Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)

i just bathed Lucy and walked back into the living room. I saw Danny staring.. I knew that meant he was deep in thought. I knew in what moods he was, how he hated to be like this. Why it had to be him in the wheelchair. He said he didn't need all the help all the time, and that he could do it on his own... But i knew better, i knew he did need help, his ego just didn't.

"you okay, babe?" i asked him carefully, hoping he wouldn't snap at me. I just couldn't help myself but ask him that all the time.. Maybe that was wrong from my side, but i was so worried about him, and i knew that sometimes he just wouldn't ask for my help even though he needed it. I knew he was just in thought right now, but i just wanted to make sure he was okay, if he replied then.

I waited on him with Lucy, i knew he liked to put her to bed. Even though it was a bit hard for him, i still knew he would go through that 'pain' to do it. To be a father and but his baby girl in her bed, and i loved watching that scene, being there if things would go wrong. Just seeing him and Lucy smiling happily, saying goodnight to each other. Just Perfect, in it's way, our perfect little family that had gone through so much already.

He still didn't look at me.. but after a while he finally replied, telling me he was fine. I knew he was not.. i heard it in his voice, but apparently he didn't want me to bugger him with it now..

"Do you want to take her to bed?" i asked, now not looking at him either, but at Lucy who was pulling at a stray of my hair.

i heard a silent no.. i knew that he was in a bad mood now, so i shouldn't ask him too much, turned around and wanted to walk away.. but i wanted a few seconds and glanced over my shoulder, but he was still staring, thinking.... i sighed deeply and then did walk away, to Lucy's bedroom. In some way i hoped that soon he would drop in.. saying he changed his mind, but i was kinda sure that wouldn't happen tonight...

She went down okay.. i sang her a song, and she was asleep pretty fast. With her pony cuddle pet, that she loved. She was tired already, so that was a great help.

I walked back into the living room to find Danny in the exact same position as i left him in.. He probably was so deep in thought that he didn't even hear me....

"Babe? Are you sure you're okay?" i tried again...

when i finally saw him shaking his head, i was in someway satisfied that he finally told me the 'truth'... though i was worried now.

"do you want me to do anything for you? Help you with something? Talk to you about something?" i suggested him.. whoa Lindsay.. slow down...

He didn't reply... yet. I think i asked too many things at the same time, maybe that was wrong. Suddenly something else popped into my mind.

"do you need to go to the toilet?" i asked him then.

i didn't find the link between 'i am sorry' and going to the toilet. So i wondered for a while.....

"do you have to, or not?" i asked him again.

"oh...." i said.. maybe being a bit embarrassed about it now. "what's wrong then?" i asked him again, hoping he would tell me. I was getting more worried now.

He was sorry about Lucy. and it was okay actually. If he didnt feel for it, then he didn't. I didn't want to push him into anything. I was actually glad if he was honest with me. "it's okay"

"don't worry too much about it, okay? We'll try it again tomorrow. She will be here the rest of our lives, remember that. I won't leave you" i explained to him.

"any time, Danny" i smiled at him. And then came soclose to him, that i only had to bent down to kiss him. And so i did.

"it's gonna be okay" i whispered to him, since i was still close to him. "I promise we'll get there, even if i have to believe in you all by myself"