Drinking coffee together [Mac]

Subject: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 2:45 pm

We arrived at the Café, we got a table and ordered our coffee.

"So Mac How is life doing outside the job?"

He would probably reply with fine thanks, what about yours? somehow I keep hoping he would come with a better answer this time.

He looks so tired if he doesn't watch out he really gets sick and not just a cold or something REALLY sick which means he has to stay home.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:21 pm

-Outside the job ?

I repeated that stupidly, yeah really it was stupid. I spent the most part of my life at job so there was not lots of things to say.....

-Hum... Nothing extraordinary... Everything's fine.

I looked at her whereas the wistress was bringing our coffees. She put them on the table and left. I smiled to Stella.I didn't want to annoy her cause I could not sleep and I was very tired.

-And you ? How is it ?

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:35 pm

He's not fine at all.. He looks like a mess!

"Okay glad you're fine huh, I'm Okay thanks"

I take a bit of my Coffee and continue

"I started dating a guy but hmmm he's not really my type"

not really? he isn't my type at all he's a creep he's way to thin for a men and gosh his hair is a mess. the thoughts of him caused me a shiver.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:50 pm

I listened to her with all the attention I could. She surprised me : she was dating someone ! Oh God, I was right, I was just a frient according to her. But the guy was not her type...

-I am sure you will find someone who will fit to you.

I smid to her. I was sure I could not be this guy....

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:55 pm

yeah or not? how many times did I tried... and all my relationships ended up in a HELL!

"Before or after I'm dead?" I said quiet and took a bit of my coffee.

I really need to ask the 'perfect man' for christmas...

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 5:09 pm

I took a bit of coffee. I could not imagine her not finding a man. She was so... So wonderful, so cute, so kind...

-I'm sure you will before ! You have all what you need to attract the good guy : the beauty, the kindness... Everything...

I stopped when I realized what I was saying hoping she would consider I said that as her friend. I did not want to break our friendshipfor I fall in love with her whereas she does not love me as much as I do.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 5:19 pm

I almost spilled coffee when he said that. Beauty? look at me I look so tired. Kindness? I got four complains on my record... and everything? no idea what that supposed to mean but okay.

"Funny Taylor, but if that was true I would be at home cooking dinner for my husband and children"

Celebrating Christmas with presents and lots of amazing food.. that would be a dream that came true

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 5:25 pm

-I'm not joking Stella...

I did not like to see her like that.

-I know a guy who dreams of this with you...

Oh my God ! Someone tell me I did not say that... Gosh ! That was too late now. What I was supposed to do ? I hang my head and remained silent waiting her reaction, afraid about what she was going to tell...

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 5:53 pm

I smile while I shake my head.

"Cute, but I kind of lost faith in that day dream and I know all your friends and colleagues and I like none of them"

I'm not going to tell him that I have someone in mind to share my life with and can I call it a life if I'm together with him? I don't think so he's always so busy with work that you would say that he loves his job more than anyone else.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:15 pm

I took a bit of coffee again. That was what I thought... If she had loved me she would not have unterstood what I said in that way.

-I think he would be disappointed of your answere... It would be like a second loss in his life... The first was so horrible... I do not know how he would live it.... He would certainly hope you could still be his friend...

Mac did not really look at her. He did not know why he said that.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:28 pm

Someone who lost someone before? and he still wants to be friends? what is he talking about?

"Okay fine who is it? You are pretty sure he likes me and I'm pretty sure I don't like him"

I finish my coffee and look back at Mac, waiting for an answer. I really have no clue who it could be.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 6:43 pm

I suddenly found that his shoes where very beautiful.

-Yeah I'm sure he loves you and that you don't love me...

Oh my God... Be tired was not a good point for me !

-Sorry I wanted to say... You don't love him...

I think that was too late. My second sentence sounds wrong... She was certainly going to tell me she was sorry cause she didn't love me and that we could still be friends...

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 7:16 pm

'Sorry I wanted to say.... You don't love him' what is that for an answer? that totally doesn't make sense. I know he's tired but now he doesn't make sense anymore that's just weird! and not to mention the point that he said you don't love me?

"Mac what is this about? Of course I love you, we've been friends for such a long time which make me obviously love you!"

I really hope he don't get me wrong I mean we are friends but he's my boss I can't allow myself to love him in another way.

"I would appreciate it if you said who it is Mac you make me curious. How do you know all this stuff? I didn't know you had a friend who told you all this"

The problem is i can't think of anyone who isn't married and who has good contact with Mac.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 7:24 pm

I knew I was right... She loves me... As a friend... Oh God... Why does it hurt so much ? I finished my coffee trying to prevent me from letting tears appear in my eyes.

-That's...

I hang my head. I thought my face was red.

-Sorry Stell' I am tired, I have to go. It was a pleasure...

No that was not a real pleasure... My illusions vanished...
I stood up and began to leave after having paid both coffees.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 7:37 pm

What did just happened? as Mac stood up and paid for our coffee I froze for a minute. What did I say that made him leave?

"Mac?" I stood up as he was about to walk out of the café

what did I do? OH GOD I can't let him go like this.... please don't go!

"Where are you going?" I ask as I walk as fast as I can

Don't you dare leaving Taylor not till I know what is going on... Now I really think I'm a bad friend... Why isn't he just talking to me? tired or not he can't just leave! MAC! my heart is screaming for him and I can't make it stop

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 7:48 pm

I was not completely unlucky : it started to rain. So she won't see if there were tears on my cheeks. I looked at her as I was now outside the café.

-Stella... I just want to go home... i don't feel good but don't worry ... I will be okay.... I just need to sleep...

And to cry... But that I managed to keep it in my mind.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:08 pm

He never left me alone like this! normally as we drank coffee here we would back to the office TOGETHER! and I would hug him bye and we both go home. WHAT IS GOING ON! It is that I am able to don't say that out loud otherwise I would have scream it through the whole street. There is no one on earth I trust more and love more than him and I thought he knew! and what kind of reaction i get in return! I just want to go home.... if he's mad or sad or whatever he goes to work! not home! he's making me sad at the moment while I don't have a good reason to be sad! or at least I think so! I'm angry at myself for what just happened. I'm sad about the fact that Mac is sad... I can't see my friend like that it's hurting me more than anything!

"No" I grab his arm and place my other hand on his cheek "Could you please talk to me, please I'm begging you"

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:36 pm

I reluctantly took her hand to put it away from my cheek. It was worst... She was still acting like the best friend I've ever had.

-Stell' there something I realized I was wrong about and I have to cope with it... Alone... Please don't ask more...

I was suffering, and it became worst for I guessed she was wondering what was happening. But I could not tell her I was in love with her, she could only be sorry for me.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:45 pm

"fine, go drown in your sorrows by yourself... and I thought you were my best friend... The one I love more than anything, once again I love the wrong guy!"

I turned around and walked further to the lab, to get my car and to GO HOME!

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 8:53 pm

The rain was falling on my face. I looked at her. I was not understanding what was happening. "Once more I love the wrong guy" She was in love with me ? Is it what she wanted to mean ? I was wrong ? "You can let her go" wispered a voice in my head. It took a few second but I reacted and then I run. I arrived in the car park soaked. She was near her car, ready to leave.

-Stella !

I have yelled. I wanted to explain her I was misunderstanding. I came to the car.

-Stella...Don't leave... I love you so much...

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:03 pm

I turn around and I was so angry and sad!

"No Mac nothing Stella... I know enough and enough is ENOUGH, if you really loved me Mac, you shouldn't have left me behind in the café! you should have talked to me! and you didn't! You don't love me!"

It hurts so much to say that, it feels like my heart falls apart.. as much as I wanted to believe he did I just couldn't

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:22 pm

There I became angry. Sadness was now mixed with my angerness.

-If I wanted to leave it was because of you ! Becuase you told me that you love me as a friend do ! And that was not enough for me. I love and I need you Stella ! I believed you only consider me as a friend and it hurt me ! That's why I wanted to leave ! To cope with this belief I had !

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:33 pm

That was just a little to much my stomach keeps spinning around, sadness, anger, love sickness, it was all on the wrong moment I felt like fainting. I want to get out of here, I don't want to hear more it just hurts to much even if he loves me.. I ... I ....

I shacked my head and turned back around and walked to the corner of the street.

Subject: Re: Drinking coffee together [Mac] Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:45 pm

I looked at her while she was leaving and I could not do anything, my muscles did not obey to me any more. I took my head in my hands and leaned against the wall to finally sat. I could not believe what happened. Was she in love with me or not ? She had said I was the thing she loved the most but now she left. What was I suppose to do... ?

I had then an idea... I took my car and drove to her home. I knocked to her door.

-Stella...

No answer.

-I would understand if you didn't want to let me enter so I will say what I have to say from there...

Silence. Actually I did not know if she was there.

-I am sorry about what happened, I should not have reacted like that. I did not want to hurt you... I will never do it again cause I love you and I want your happiness

I put my hand on the door just at the place there was written "S. Bonasera"

-Please forgive me...

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